What’s it like to live on Death Row? What’s it like to die there?

I wonder how a person can  stand to wait in a small cell, watching the second hand of a clock tick down to their execution? After an average 10 year wait, the person is finally led down a hallway, strapped to a gurney, and injected with a lethal cocktail of drugs.

Since 1982, when Texas began utilizing lethal injections to kill people, 441 people have been executed by the State. Moments before the execution, the warden asked each of these inmates whether they had any last words. All of their last statements have been recorded.

A friend of mine sent me a link to the Texas Department of Criminal Justice’s Death Row page, which contains every last statement given since 1982.

I have to admit that I sat for an hour and read over a hundred of these last statements. There was something incredibly powerful and compelling about the final words that a person speaks when they know they are about to die. I had a hard time pulling myself away from them.

It doesn’t matter whether you are for or against capital punishment. If we move beyond the cold statistics of the offender’s height, race, and education level, their last statements poignantly remind us that these convicts are human beings that bleed and feel pain like you and I.

Many of the statements express remorse. Others are shocking. Some are even funny. But the common thread that ties all of the statements together is the foreboding sense of inevitability, resignation, and acceptance of a pre-determined fate. I have reproduced some of the statements below (in their entirety):

Yes I do. To the Harris family. I have been trying to tell you for years that I am sorry. I know that I hurt your family bad. I am sorry. Wynona should not of even have happened. I am sorry. I truly am sorry for the hurt and pain I caused you. I hope you can forgive me. One day I hope you can move on and if not I understand. Tim Jackson, Bobby Dan Spade and Mr. Segal thank you for your lies. Your lies set me free. I couldn’t do a life sentence. To my mom, I’m sorry. I love you. I’m not the big son that you wanted me to be. But, I love you. To my friends, Synnova, Kay I thank you for everything. I’m ready. I told you years ago that I was ready. Synnova tell everyone I got full on Chicken and Pork Chops. Rodney, take care of my mom. To the fellas on the row, stay strong. Renee, I love you baby. Fleetwood is up out of here. I’m ready Warden.

– Michael Riley, executed May 19, 2009.

I do, I would like to tell everybody that I’m sorry about the situation that happened.  My bad – everybody is here because of what happened.  I’d like to thank everybody that’s been here through the years.  The little kids overseas – they really changed me.  Sister Doris, mom, brothers, sister, dad; I love ya’ll.  My brother… where’s my stunt double when you need one?  My Lord is my life and savior, nothing shall I fear.

– Vincent Gutierrez, executed March 28, 2007.

Jennifer, where are you at?  I’m sorry, I did not know the man but for a few seconds before I shot him.  It was done out of fear, stupidity, and immaturity.  It wasn’t until I got locked up and saw the newspaper.  I saw his face and his smile and I knew he was a good man.  I am sorry for all your family and my disrespect – he deserved better.  Sorry Gus.  I hope all the best for you and your daughters.  I hope you have happiness from here on out.  Quit the heroin and methadone.  I love you dad, Devin, and Walt.  We’re done Warden.

– Jonathan Moore, executed January 17, 2007.

Yeah.  Momma, I just want you to know I love you.  I want all of you to know I love you all.  I am at peace; we know what it is.  We know the truth.  Stay out of crime; there is no point in it.  I am at peace.  We know the truth and I know it.  I have some peace.  I am glad it didn’t take that long – no 10 or 20 years.  I am at peace.  And I want everyone to know I did not walk to this because this is straight up murder.  I just want everybody to know I didn’t walk to this.  The reason is because it’s murder.  I am not going to play a part in my own murder.  No one should have to do that.  I love you all.  I do not know all of your names.  And I don’t know how you feel about me.  And whether you believe it or not, I did not kill them.  I just want you all to have peace; you know what I’m saying.  There is no point in that.  It is neither here nor there.  You have to move past it.  It is time to move on.  You know what I’m saying.  I want each one of my loved ones to move on.  I am glad it didn’t last long.  I am glad it didn’t last long.  I am at peace.  I am at peace to the fullest.  The people that did this – they know.  I am not here to point fingers.  God will let them know.  If this is what it takes, just do what you got to do to get past it.  What it takes.  I am ready, Warden.  Love you all.  Let my son know I love him.

– Lamont Reese, executed June 20, 2006.

The act I committed to put me here was not just heinous, it was senseless.  But the person that committed that act is no longer here – I am.

I’m not going to struggle physically against any restraints.  I’m not going to shout, use profanity or make idle threats.  Understand though that I’m not only upset, but I’m saddened by what is happening here tonight.  I’m not only saddened, but disappointed that a system that is supposed to protect and uphold what is just and right can be so much like me when I made the same shameful mistake.

If someone tried to dispose of everyone here for participating in this killing, I’d scream a resounding, “No.”  I’d tell them to give them all the gift that they would not give me…and that’s to give them all a second chance.

I’m sorry that I am here.  I’m sorry that you’re all here.  I’m sorry that John Luttig died.  And I’m sorry that it was something in me that caused all of this to happen to begin with.

Tonight we tell the world that there are no second chances in the eyes of justice…Tonight, we tell our children that in some instances, in some cases, killing is right.

This conflict hurts us all, there are no SIDES.  The people who support this proceeding think this is justice.  The people that think that I should live think that is justice.  As difficult as it may seem, this is a clash of ideals, with both parties committed to what they feel is right.  But who’s wrong if in the end we’re all victims?

In my heart, I have to believe that there is a peaceful compromise to our ideals.  I don’t mind if there are none for me, as long as there are for those who are yet to come.  There are a lot of men like me on death row – good men – who fell to the same misguided emotions, but may not have recovered as I have.

Give those men a chance to do what’s right.  Give them a chance to undo their wrongs.  A lot of them want to fix the mess they started, but don’t know how.  The problem is not in that people aren’t willing to help them find out, but in the system telling them it won’t matter anyway.  No one wins tonight.  No one gets closure.  No one walks away victorious.

– Napoleon Beazley, executed May 28, 2002.

Yes sir, members of Mrs. Sanchez’s family, I don’t know who you are and other people present.  As I said, I’m taking responsibility fro the death of your daughter in 1983.  I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your loved one.  I am a human being also.  I know how it feels, I’ve been there.  I cannot explain and can’t give you answers.  I can give you one thing, and I’m going to give that today.  I’m give a life for a life.  I pray you will have no ill will or animosity.  You have the right to see this, I am glad you are here.  All I can do is ask the Lord for forgiveness.  I am not saying this to be facetious.  I am giving my life.  I hope you find comfort in my execution.  As for me, I am happy, that is why you see me smiling.  I am glad I am leaving this world.  I am going to a better place.  I have made peace with God, I am born again.  Thank you for being here, I’m sorry.  I hope you get over any malice or hatred you feel.  Because it yields sorrow and suffering.  I take responsibility for the loss of your daughter.  I can’t give answers.  I hope you can find peace in the days to come.  God bless all of you.  Thank you all for being here.

[Begins singing:  Amazing Grace]

– Jermarr Arnold, executed January 16, 2002

I deserve this. Tell everyone I said goodbye.

- Charles William Bass, executed April 12, 1986.