Chuck Norris’ Tears Don’t Cure Cancer

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Posted By: Lawrence Gridin March 16, 2009

So he claims, in a lawsuit against book publisher Penguin.

Chuck Norris is suing the publisher for releasing a book called The Truth About Chuck Norris: 400 facts about the World’s Greatest Human.

The book contains numerous allegedly “mythical” facts about Chuck Norris which were collected from the internet. The facts include:

  • “Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.”
  • “When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.”
  • “There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.”
  • “Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.”

The lawsuit alleges that the book resulted in trademark infringement, unjust enrichment and misappropriation of personality.

You will note that Chuck Norris is not suing for defamation. I suspect that’s because truth is a defence.

What I can’t understand is why Chuck Norris is bothering to sue.  We all know that Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Why 'Chuck Norris' can't be found on Google.

About the Author

Lawrence Gridin
Lawrence Gridin is currently a law student at the University of Western Ontario, graduating in the class of 2010. He completed his Bachelor of Science at the University of Toronto, majoring in Psychology and History. Lawrence volunteers at Western's Community Legal Services and has participated in the clinic's outreach program. His diverse interests include social justice, 20th century history, photography, boxing, and politics.

7 Comments on "Chuck Norris’ Tears Don’t Cure Cancer"

  1. David Shulman | March 16, 2009 at 1:30 pm |

    One of the most important cases of our time.

  2. rww | March 16, 2009 at 2:17 pm |

    Remember folks, every time you tell a Chuck Norris joke to send him a penny in royalties unless you want to be sued.

  3. David Shulman | March 16, 2009 at 3:37 pm |

    There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

  4. Will McNair | March 16, 2009 at 8:47 pm |

    I’m surprised he would seek recourse to the legal system, since the only jurisdiction Chuck Norris recognizes is Chuck Norris.

  5. Lawrence Gridin | March 17, 2009 at 1:10 pm |

    And the only legal remedy Chuck Norris recognizes is the roundhouse kick to the face!

  6. Marnie Tunay | March 17, 2009 at 4:05 pm |

    Here’s another fact for the sequel: Chuck Norris takes himself waaay too seriously.
    (And his lawyer may contact me via my web-site for an address to serve notice of a law-suit.)

  7. blaw | March 17, 2009 at 6:20 pm |

    This just in:

    Chuck Norris’ lawyer also represented Guy ritchie in his divorce against Madonna. Madonna’s lawyer also represented her in divorce proceedings against Sean Penn. Sean Penn’s lawyer is also representing the actor to recover funds lost to Bernard Madoff, who also defrauded…

    …Kevin Bacon.

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