Following an announcement by the Canadian Union of Public Employees calling for a ban of Israeli academics from Ontario campuses, Israeli faculty in Ontario have begun an intensive aerial assault. Casualties among CUPE members stand at roughly 300, with the number expected to climb.
Correspondents at the scene also report that faculty troops are amassing near the borders of CUPE headquarters, fueling speculation of a possible faculty ground assault.
In response to global uproar, pro-Israeli faculty leaders called the campaign a “perfectly proportional” response to CUPE’s continued attacks and offered no further comment.
In related news, York University students will return to classes tomorrow.
… The pro-CUPE media have subsequently accused Israeli faculty members of cutting off basic supplies to the CUPE headquarters and engaging in a campaign of death by starvation. Union leader, Sid Ryan, though, has assured the public that the CUPE leadership has gotten so fat in recent years off of kickbacks and membership dues that it would take “those Israeli animals years to thin us out!”