This site’s readership will be all too familiar with the rigorous process of applying to Canadian law schools, starting with the LSAT and ending (it is to be presumed) with a vetting of one’s academic and professional credentials against those of one’s fellow candidates. The most deserving students receive early confirmation of acceptance to their first-choice schools. For the rest of us, months may pass before a position is secured; unease turns to anxiety turns to panic, until we would accept an invitation to the Novgorod School of Law just to return some certainty to our lives.

But fear not, would-be law school freshmen, for there is an easier way! Third year (former) LLB candidate Quami Frederick has the secret to a stress-free application process: fabricating a significant element of your application. As previously reported here, Frederick’s artificial B.Sc. in Business Administration opened the door to Osgoode Hall and might have launched a stellar legal career, but for the investigative journalism of the Toronto Star.

I, for one, would have welcomed this alternative in late July 2007, when I was losing hope of being accepted anywhere, and was considering making a career of my summer job at the Maple Leaf Foods chicken slaughterhouse. Had I known then what I know now, my application might have looked very different:

• graduated magna cum laude from the Bill Clinton President School (TM)
• holds two simultaneous parliamentary seats, for Calgary Southwest and Laurier Sainte-Marie
• in 2005, Rt. Hon. Beverley McLachlin, P.C. called me “the son [she] never had”
• has two thousand Facebook friends
• prepared to bequeath a substantial personal fortune to the first law school to accept
• Nobel Prize nominee, 2007, for brokering landmark peace agreement between scissors and rock
• autobiography The Audacity of Hope was on the New York Times Bestseller list for thirty weeks
• middle name is “Osgoode Hall Law School”
• can read minds