RSS FeedWhat I would have included on my application to Osgoode, had I known you were permitted to make things up
This site’s readership will be all too familiar with the rigorous process of applying to Canadian law schools, starting with the LSAT and ending (it is to be presumed) with a vetting of one’s academic and professional credentials against those of one’s fellow candidates. The most deserving students receive early confirmation of acceptance to their first-choice schools. For the rest of us, months may pass before a position is secured; unease turns to anxiety turns to panic, until we would accept an invitation to the Novgorod School of Law just to return some certainty to our lives.
But fear not, would-be law school freshmen, for there is an easier way! Third year (former) LLB candidate Quami Frederick has the secret to a stress-free application process: fabricating a significant element of your application. As previously reported here, Frederick’s artificial B.Sc. in Business Administration opened the door to Osgoode Hall and might have launched a stellar legal career, but for the investigative journalism of the Toronto Star.
I, for one, would have welcomed this alternative in late July 2007, when I was losing hope of being accepted anywhere, and was considering making a career of my summer job at the Maple Leaf Foods chicken slaughterhouse. Had I known then what I know now, my application might have looked very different:
- graduated magna cum laude from the Bill Clinton President School (TM)
- holds two simultaneous parliamentary seats, for Calgary Southwest and Laurier Sainte-Marie
- in 2005, Rt. Hon. Beverley McLachlin, P.C. called me “the son [she] never had”
- has two thousand Facebook friends
- prepared to bequeath a substantial personal fortune to the first law school to accept
- Nobel Prize nominee, 2007, for brokering landmark peace agreement between scissors and rock
- autobiography The Audacity of Hope was on the New York Times Bestseller list for thirty weeks
- middle name is “Osgoode Hall Law School”
- can read minds
Beans, beans, the magical fruit / The more you eat, the more you go to jail.
A 12-year old boy attending Stuart’s Spectrum Jr./Sr. High School in Martin County, Florida, was arrested November 4, 2008, by a member of the county Sheriff’s Office, after a teacher said that he had “deliberately passed gas to disrupt the class” and had turned off the computers of his classmates.
He was then criminally charged with “disruption of school function.”
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“The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known.”
- Charles Evans Hughes
“Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.”
- Jonathan Swift, A Critical Essay upon the Faculties of the Mind, 1707
Pimp Claims Massage Parlour is a Church
A Tucson, Arizona pimp has been ordered to repay about $2 million as the proceeds of crime.
The pimp, John A. LaVoie, 52, was found guilty of 22 counts of racketeering.
LaVoie claimed he was a minister of the Church of Liberty, a church he founded. He ran a massage and prostitution business in his Tucson building called Angel’s Heaven.
LaVoie claimed Angel’s Heaven was part of his church, and clients only gave donations.
LaVoie has been ordered to fofeit a $1 million office building, plus $850,000 that he reportedly earned from his prostitution business.
The website for the Massage Parlour/Church is still up. It features pictures and bios of the “angels,” who have names like “Honey Angel” and “Oriental Angel.”
Another page provides descriptions of the spa services, including pricing information: “$59.95 Donation for a half hour of bliss.”
The church’s tag line: “Angel’s Heaven: some say it’s a religious experience!”
Toronto is Canada’s Safest City?
Below is a rather ironic screenshot from the front page of the Toronto Star’s website just after the release of a report claiming that my beloved Toronto is the safest metropolitan area in Canada. Note the circled sections.
Will Obama, Hillary, or McCain ever be as funny as Bush?
Say what you will about George Dubya Bush. He certainly wasn’t America’s most popular President. He certainly wasn’t America’s smartest President. He definitely wasn’t America’s best President.
But as his 8 years in office draw to a close, I’m left with a bittersweet feeling.
There’s just no way that today’s candidates for office will ever match Bush on the hilarity scale. We’ll just have to accept that the glory days for late-night television like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report will soon be over. Whether you were laughing with him, or laughing at him, no President will ever provide as much fodder as Bush.
Here’s Bush congratulating graduates from the Air Force Academy today. Words do not describe.
(photo credit belongs to Charles Dharapak of AP)
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