A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer”, and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb”, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.

2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable provincial, local and federal statutes.

3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “Partnership.”

Finally some anonymous law student has created a comprehensive site to help potential law students in evaluating all of these different factors.

Read more about Should you go to law school on their website here.

A man has has accepted a substantial settlement for his injuries after he ventured too close to a stripper’s spiked heel during a lap dance. Michael Ireland claimed the stripper’s heel punctured his eye socket and broke bones in his face after she accidentally poked him in the eye with it at the Cheetah Club near West Palm Beach. Ireland accepted the club’s $650,000 settlement offer, according to Nbcmiami.com.

Natalie Fraser, Lawyers Weekly; February 4, 2011

JEDDAH: Saudi officials yesterday unveiled plans for a dedicated residential resort set to house deposed dictators, and rolled out the carpet for more of the world’s despots who might be forced to consider unexpected retirement…

Speaking at the announcement, project manager Sidney Hammour laid out some of the features that former dictators can enjoy within Madinat al-Autocrat. “Each private villa will come with a spacious garden, large enough for our ex tyrants to erect statues several statues of themselves, which we can provide for an additional fee,” he told reporters.

Hammour also said that there would be regular military parades held within the ground, plus a specially produced daily newspaper that would be filled with stories about each former despot’s magnificence. “It’s with the little things like this that we hope to attract deposed oppressors seeking refuge,” he said…
“Just remember to bring your stolen riches with you,” he scoffed. “Because we’re not cheap!” 

You’d better watch out,
You’d better not cry,
You’d better not pout;
I’m telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He’s bugging your room,
He’s reading your mail,
He’s keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn’t get the goods,
Then he’ll use provocateurs.

So–you mustn’t assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He’ll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

h/t Volokh Conspiracy