RSS FeedAchieving Your Goals in Law School
It’s kind of like kiddie soccer.
Loophole in Olympic Rulebook
Can you imagine a world without lawyers?
The Law School Nightmare
17 Ridiculous American Laws
As a sequel to Law is Stupid Too, we present 17 ridiculous laws still on the book, via Huffington Post:
- In Missouri, It is Illegal To Drive With An Uncaged Bear (Caged Bears Are OK)
- In Maine, It’s Illegal To Have Christmas Decorations Up After Jan. 14
- In New Jersey, It is Illegal To Wear A Bulletproof Vest While Committing A Murder
- In Nevada, It Is Illegal For A Man To Buy Drinks For More Than Three People At A Time
- In Wisconsin, It Is Illegal To Serve Butter Substitutes In State Prisons
- In New Jersey, Once Convicted Of Drunk Driving You May Never Again Have Personalized Plates
- In North Dakota, Beer And Pretzels Cannot Be Served At The Same Time In Any Bar Or Restaurant
- In Alaska, Waking A Sleeping Bear For A Photo Opportunity Is Strictly Forbidden
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In Connecticut, A Pickle Is Not Officially A Pickle Unless It Bounces
- In South Carolina, You Must Be 18 Years Of Age To Play A Pinball Machine
- In Michigan, Anyone Over Age 12 May Own A Hand Gun As Long As He/She Has Not Committed A Felony
- In Idaho, It Is Illegal For A Man To Give His Sweetheart A Box Of Candy Weighing More Than 50 lbs
- In North Carolina, Bingo Games Can’t Last More Than Five Hours
- In Connecticut, It’s Illegal To Walk Across A Street On Your Hands
- In Louisiana, There Is A $500 Fine For Instructing A Pizza Delivery Man To Deliver Pizza To A Friend Unknowingly
- In Ohio, It Is Illegal To Get A Fish Drunk
- In Arizona, It’s Illegal To Own More Than 2 Dildos
Craigslist: Law Degree for Sale
Here’s a real ad from the SF-Bay area on Craigslist,
After several years of practicing law with a bunch of nerds in Silicon Valley I have come to the conclusion that my law degree is useless and I don’t want to be a lawyer anymore. Though I spent over $100,000 on it I am willing to sell it for the bargain basement price of $59,250, which is the current value of my remaining student loan balance.
This priceless collectible will permit you to be surrounded by hobby-less assholes whose entire life is dictated by billing by the hour and being anal dickheads. Additionally, this piece of paper has the amazing ability to keep you from doing what you really want to do in life, all in the name of purported prestige and financial success. Finally, girls in the Marina will swoon with retarded thoughts of sugar daddy when they hear you went to XXX prestigious law school and are a lawyer.
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Register Before Revolution
Before attempting to overthrow the government in South Carolina, you must register your organization, for a $5 fee.
You have to name the organization, identify where you are based, describe your beliefs, and list your revolutionary members.
The state’s Subversive Activities Registration Act says,
SECTION 23-29-50. Registration by subversive and foreign-controlled organizations.
Every subversive organization and organization subject to foreign control shall register with the Secretary of State on forms prescribed by him within thirty days after coming into existence in this State.
SECTION 23-29-60. Registration of members of subversive and foreign-controlled organizations.
Every member of a subversive organization, or an organization subject to foreign control, every foreign agent and every person who advocates, teaches, advises or practices the duty, necessity or propriety of controlling, conducting, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, of this State or of any political subdivision thereof by force or violence or other unlawful means, who resides, transacts any business or attempts to influence political action in this State, shall register with the Secretary of State on the forms and at the times prescribed by him.
Although it’s reported that the law was first passed last year, Sen. Larry Martin claims it dates to 1951 and was meant to deter communists by charging those who obviously would not register with a $25,000 fine and 10 years in prison.
A copy of the form can be found here. Just don’t tell us that you’re filling it out.
Planet Law
The 1Ls in my law school put this one together.
It’s actually not that far off from an accurate description of what goes on.
Planet Law: 1L Obiter Dicta Video 2010 from Steven Pulver on Vimeo.
Would-Be Undead Governor Seduces Youth?
Authorities in Minnesota report that sixteen-year-old Paige Brewster is missing and believed to be residing with once-and-future Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Jonathon Sharkey. Sharkey, 44, is purportedly helping Brewer obtain legal emancipation from her mother. News of their relationship has prompted a slew of outraged comments on local news websites.
A description of Sharkey found on his MySpace page sheds some light on the public’s ire:
Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey is one of the most known and infamous Vampyres in the world. He gained national and international attention in 2006 when he announced his candidacy for Governor of Minnesota. Jonathon is running for Governor of Minnesota in 2010. Governor Pewlenty [sic] withdrew from the race the day after Jonathon made his unofficially [sic] announcement on 1 Jun 09. Jonathon will officially announce his candidacy on the IDES OF MARCH in Rochester, MN.
Unlike most politicians, Jonathon was bringing a “New Deal” to not only Minnesota, but America as well. Jonathon’s hard stance on crime is an understatement. Jonathon feels that those who prey upon and attack the elderly, rape women, molest children, commit acts of terrorism, sell drugs , abuse their authority and violate Americans Constitutional Rights shouldn’t be jailed, they should be brutally IMPALED! Hence, Jonathon’s nickname – “The Impaler.”
Sharkey The Impaler, according to his Wikipedia page, is a boxer and wrestler, a convicted felon, and a perennial candidate for public office. In 2004 and 2008 he filed to run for president of the United States under the banner of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party, which he founded.
Brewster, for her part, has been active on local news blogs covering her saga. She denies that she is a runaway and that The Impaler is a pedophile. She claims that she was abused by her mother. Brewer’s mother claims that her daughter has been brainwashed by The Impaler. (The claim has some credibility: vampires possess powers of hypnosis, if Bram Stoker can be relied upon.)
Recently The Impaler posted a video online in which he proposed to Brewster. Subsequent comments indicate that she accepted the proposal. The video is SFW but not SF your dignity, or The Impaler’s.
Possibly after the requisite bat-blood-drinking ceremony, Brewster will join The Impaler as a creature of the night for all eternity, à la Twilight.
Which part of this story is most noteworthy: the grown man (perhaps thousands of years old!) shacked up with a sixteen-year-old girl? the girl’s efforts to be emancipated from her family? the fact that her paramour wears a black trench-coat and sword and subscribes to something called Luciferianism? Still, fangs and all, Jonathon Sharkey is only the second weirdest Minnesotan.
Tell ‘em They’re Your 1st Choice (Even if They’re Not)
Here’s a great piece from Andrew Black of Windsor Law. I think he’s funny, even though he beat me in a moot (I’m not bitter or anything).
If you get an OCI friend,
Cop it like its hot
Cop it like its hot
Cop it like its hot
If your competitions dressed well,
Knock it like its not
Knock it like its not
Knock it like its not
And tell em they’re your first choice,
Even if they’re not
Even if they’re not
Even if they’re not
I’ve got the herbal in my tea and I’m pouring coffee,
And I bomb the first one ’cause I really gotta pee
Ahhh Im a fly dude, plus a nice guy
See this back pat? See this pink tie?
Eligible law student, 20 grand debt
That’s overdue like gum for that dirty breath
The interview: interior like driz-ead
The exterior like firetruck riz-ed,
I can exercise you, this can be your Phys. Ed,
Tell ‘em they’re your first choice – that’s how you get ahizzead
Lawyers on the Street send these lawyers with a sheet
With a list a names so long it make you wanna play it cheap
So don’t try to run up on their ear talking all about school n’ shhh
Cause they heard that shhh
Show personality and ask ‘em shhh
Dont say “I’ll think about it.” Take the offer
Matter fact, tell ‘em that you’ll work for free,
And think before you tell ‘em that they’re choice #3
If you get an OCI friend, keep it on the low, nobody wanna know, you’ve got a ways to go
If you get an in-firm interview, keep it on the low, nobody wanna know, you’ve got a ways to go
If you get a dinner invite, keep it on the low, nobody wanna know, you’ve got a ways to go
If you make it past that, then you’re on the right track,
If you played your cards right then they might just call you back
I’m a law student, but y’all knew that
In OCI mode, yeah I had to do that
I keep my cell phone right here in my pocket
Strictly set to vibrate – only way to rock it
Ain’t no other way to interview the way I do,
I smile, I nod, I always tell ‘em “thank you”
By the time they get to us, they know who we are,
W-I-N-D-S-O-R
If you can’t take it, just fake it until you make it,
See I specialize in making interviewers elated,
Research your firms, ask questions, keep facts,
And before you head in, breathe deep and relax
Don’t lose your hizzay, it’s only for a dizzay,
Never, ever, flirt with the student recruitizzay,
Send out your e-mizzles to fizzirms, and that be iz-all
Now head’r back to biz-ed, and wake up for the ciz-all
If you’ve got a fly suit, friend,
Rock it like its hot
Rock it like its hot
Rock it like its hot
If your interviewer stares at you,
Act as if they’re not,
Act as if they’re not,
Act as if they’re not,
And tell ‘em they’re your first choice,
Even if they’re not
Even if they’re not
Even if they’re not
I’ve got the strut up in my stride, but my shoe is untied
So I blame it on the floor, like “this tile – it really slides”
I’m an A student, with a lot of Bs
A couple reference letters, and a single C
I study last minute, plus I like to party,
So no response from Davies or McCarthy,
Close the computer screen and Macleans Magazine,
‘Cause everybodys an authority, know what I mean?
Oh you got a job, now you wanna talk back?
Same position. Half the tuition. Top that.
So its all over, now its back to class,
If you got an offer, just make sure you pass,
But if you got the shaft, that’s just fine, too
Must I remind you they’re only here to find you,
Fine wine and dine you, sign you then grind you,
So maybe you were better off catching the swine flu
Good luck student, this lesson is free,
And if it doesn’t work for you, come work for me.
The Other Google Spot, and Florida Divorce Attorneys
Google’s ad last night attracted quite a bit of attention.
Kenneth Corbin of Internet News said,
For Google, Super Bowl Sunday was something of a departure.
In the third quarter of the game, Google (NASDAQ: GOOG) aired a nearly full-minute ad promoting its search engine, marking one of the few television appearances for the company that rarely advertises and its first spot during a Super Bowl.
At it happens, the ad, “Parisian Love,” had been online for several months, posted on Google’s “Search Stories” page on YouTube where it has been viewed more than a million times.
Dan Goldgeier of AdPulp points out that so has this parody from Slate:
Florida divorce attorneys almost make the cut. Is Google trying to tell us something? Is Slate?
h/t Paull Young
Potential Product Liability Suit against Clomid
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