Everything You Need to Know about Canada

Apparently these are real questions posed by foreigners preparing for the Vancouver Winter Olympics.

Q. I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q. Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A. Depends on how much you’ve been drinking.
Q. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto; can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A. Sure, it’s only four thousand miles; take lots of water
Q. Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A. So it’s true what they say about Swedes.
Q. It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A. Let’s not touch this one.
Q. Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A. What did your last slave die of?
Q. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing  is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q. Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A. Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and  we’ll send the rest of the directions.
Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is, oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q. Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A. No, we don’t stink.
Q. Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year-round? (Germany)
A. No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter and gatherers. Milk is illegal.

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5 Comments on "Everything You Need to Know about Canada"

  1. Stop Anxiety | December 5, 2009 at 2:09 pm |

    Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Lol…

  2. omg!!! this is THE FUNNIEST THING IV’E READ ALLL DAY!!!

    NONE of this is true, but its funny!

  3. [lol…. funny]

  4. I have got to say this is really funny and these are the weirdest questions so…..lol :) i can’t beileve canada can actually answer these questions,great job hhahahaha

  5. we canadians are just like the us we dont ride mooses we dont see beavers and polar bears every were! yes our pass time in drinking beers and watching hockey. andno its not always winter here we have long cold winters and short hot summers

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