Thomas Wisdom and I were discussing the issue of Students Not Actually In Law (SNAILs), and how the phenomenon seems prevalent across different law schools.
He mentioned a post on Slaw by Simon Fodden from a couple years back, that had some pretty interesting comments. Apparently the SNAIL infestation is world-wide, reaching as far as Singapore.
To demonstrate how bad it is, Alex Manevich of Heenan Blaikie, one of the commenters on the Slaw post (and currently a core contributor) said,
I recall just such a student from my first year at McGill Law, though this one took it farther than most. He showed up at orientation, passed himself off as a law student, and proceeded to attend classes for half the semester before the truth was discovered. He was even listed in the law student telephone directory, and rumour has it that he completed some of the legal research assignments. All in all, an impressive feat.
On this basis, we propose a resolution enacting the SNAIL Offences Act as follows,
SNAILS OFFENCES ACT
1. Short Title
This statute may be read as the Snails Offences Act.2. Interpretations
In this act,
â€Snails†means Students not actually in law school
â€law school’s facilities†and “premises†pertain to, but are not limited to, the [insert library name] Law Library (henceforth known as “the libraryâ€), the Law Classrooms, and the tables around the law faculty.
3. Definition of SNAILS
Any person who uses or abuses the premises of law school for his enjoyment without giving priority to Lawyers is a SNAIL.
Explanation
use and abuse includes, but is not limited to, studying, playing games, occupying space, squatting and is not limited to disruptive behaviour covered under s. 5 of this act.Illustration 1
X is in arts but does not use the facilities of law school. X is not a snail.Illustration 2Y is a science student. Y walks past the law library, and enters through the main doors. Y is not a snail until she sits down on one of the chairs, after which she is a snail.
Illustration 3
Z is an engineer. Z sleeps in the law library and starts snoring; he is a snail and he is guilty of every offence in this act.4. Infringing the personal right to enjoyment of Law School facilities
Any Snail who infringes upon the personal right of a lawyer to the enjoyment of law school’s facilities, thus depriving him of the use of the facilities is guilty of an offence, subject to the following exceptions listed in s. 6 of this act.Illustration
A is a lawyer, and leaves his belongings in a classroom for the sole purpose of reserving its use for his enjoyment. Another lawyer B is denied the use of the classroom. A, being a lawyer, is not guilty under this clause.4A. Penalty for infringing right to enjoyment
The penalty for this offence is subject to the discretion and pleasure of any lawyer whose right is infringed by that snail.5. Disruptive Behaviour of Snails
Disruptive behaviour is any conduct of a snail that reasonably causes a lawyer to lose concentration, his temper, or causes frustration, irrespective of whether the frustration was uncalled for or otherwise, while that snail is guilty of s. 4 of this act.
5A. Any Snail who exhibits disruptive behaviour while infringing the right of a lawyer is subject to the derision of any lawyer, and the discretion of any lawyer in the vicinity.
6. Exceptions
No snail is guilty of an offence if
(a) that snail is a babe[or hunk, whatever your preference], and does not deny a lawyer access to use of facilites, or
(b) that snail is a companion to any lawyer, subject to reasonablenessIllustration
(a) Kristin Kreuk is in one of the classrooms. She allows any lawyer to enter and use the classroom and any article belonging to the classroom, up to and including the chair she might be sitting on. Kristin Kreuk is a Snail, but satisfies the requirements under exception 6(b) and she is not guilty of any offence under this act. For the purposes of this act, Kristin Kreuk is a babe.
(b) Ronald McDonald and a lawyer walk into the library. Ronald McDonald’s shoes are making alot of noise, disturbing the peace of every lawyer in the library. He is a snail and is guilty of an offence inasmuch as he is companion to the lawyer but did not satisfy the test of reasonableness.
Although found on the Slaw post, the SNAIL Offences Act is attributed to a “Shane” of Where is the Spoon.
When does this Act take effect?
Apperently, there’s a big market for SNAILS in Bulgaria:
Daniel,
I think you might need to find a body with jurisdiction to pass this Act. I’m thinking you could start with your Legal & Literary Society.
Omar,
Great suggestion. Although our Legal & Literary Society is one of two arms of Osgoode’s student government, they focus more on social aspects and events.
Student Caucus, however, focusses on representating student views at the administrative and faculty levels. And if my memory serves me correct, our Library Committee (http://www.legalandlit.ca/studentcaucus/committees.html) was formulated just last year.
Unlike most other law schools, Osgoode has a student representative who I can approach to put forth these views in the next committee meeting.
Poorly drafted legislation with redundant definitions and problematic capitalization…
Must have been guarding your desk in the law library too long and not paying attention in class.
;-)
ANAL (AN Actual Lawyer) (not law student)
I would like to suggest that we amend this act to draw the distinction between the various “lawyers” permitted on the premises for the purpose of the Act.
the library and law school premises of X are, first-and-foremost, reserved for “students in law” of X.
The second-tier shall consist of Bar students who are graduates of the X.
The third tier shall consist of lawyers, with preference given to alumni of X.
The fourth tier shall be a residual category, including but not limited to SNAILS.
Note that for the purpose of this act, all “students in law” from rival law faculties will fall under the residual fourth category, but students from non-rival faculties will be included in the third tier. For example, UdeM and Osgoode be fourth tier at the McGill Nahum Gelber Law Library, whereas UVic, UBC, Laval will be third tier.
Note that Sherbrooke and U of T will be fourth tier at all institutions (unless they wish to contract otherwise between themselves) due to the rowdiness of the former, and the U of T-ness of the latter.
You left out the SNAIL offense of leaving a trail of SLIME (Sh*t Left In My Enviornment)in our supposedly non-eating library.
The library is where you study, the cafe is where you eat. If you can’t tell them apart, CHECK THE SIGN ON THE DOOR!!
You people are nerds. If you have a nice facility be prepared to deal with some freeloaders. We do.